Holy Week in the Christian calendar is, among other things, an invitation to embrace our humanity. In the stories we recount, of Jesus’ last days, we see the full humanity of God on display. His anger, compassion, grief, fear, determination, weakness, and humility make space for our whole selves to be honored and embraced. There is no part of our humanness that is beyond the reach of Divine love. We don’t have to smarten up or straighten up but can show up exactly as we are.
Thanks be to God.
What I am noticing
Presence changes everything.
Worry has whispered in my ear for months.
Dreams wake me with dread.
My imagination runs rampant with images of worst-case scenarios.
What I found recently in the middle of this fraught season is that presence makes all the difference. My worry for a loved one facing serious medical concerns was eased as I was able to be with her. To bodily see her – not over a screen – and to touch and hug her eased my fear when all other methods had failed.
I think about the times my grown kids have moved to another city or apartment. I was never really settled until I could be there with them in their new space. I needed to sit in their kitchen, add groceries to their fridge, and walk their streets. I guess the longing is to participate in their life even for a short while, so that when I am home and they are far away, I have remembrances of time together to revisit.
I recall this beautiful quote from Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell, “She, like all mothers, constantly casts out her thoughts, like fishing lines, towards her children, reminding herself of where they are, what they are doing, how they fare. From habit, while she sits there near the fireplace, some part of her mind is tabulating them and their whereabouts.”
I have not seen him for over a year now, but the last time I visited my dad, I had heard how bad his dementia was getting and dreaded what I might find. I imagined behaviors common to the disease and wondered at his reception of me. But when I walked through the door, even though he could not recall my name, there was a flicker of recognition, a knowing that I was family. Being together allayed my worries. I could still experience the person who, despite all that had been stolen from him, was still very much my dad.
“Fear not” is a common phrase spoken to biblical characters in angel visitations or direct messages from God. Often it is accompanied by the assurance of God’s presence. The reason we need not fear is that we do not face whatever is before us alone. The presence of God is guaranteed. While we may know this intellectually, it can be difficult to experience the truth of it.
Brother Lawrence a 17th-century French lay monk who served as a cook in the monastery of the Carmelites in Paris, became known as one who learned how to practice the presence of God in every mundane task. He passed on his experience and wisdom in conversations and letters, which would later become the book The Practice of the Presence of God. If you have not read it yet, I recommend you do – it can be downloaded for free from various sites or purchased in book form.
The time of business, said he, does not with me differ from the time of prayer; and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knee at the blessed sacrament. – Brother Lawrence
The idea that every single moment of our days is filled with the Divine presence is life-changing. It can bring meaning to our simplest and most mundane tasks. This truth also meets us when our world has turned upside down – when getting through the day requires great perseverance and faith.
We also know that in the middle of our darkest nights, our deepest despair, our bodily suffering, that God is with us. As we celebrate Easter, we remember that Jesus knows what it is to suffer. He has gone before us and felt what we feel. As we recount the sufferings of Jesus, we see how He was conscious of and relied upon the presence of the Father at all times. In the garden, Jesus groans and cries for help, pleads for things to change, but ultimately trusts in the goodness and presence of the Father. He knows what is ahead; but he also knows he is companioned. As he breathed his last, Jesus committed himself into the continued presence of God which would carry him through death and beyond.
Presence changes everything.
In the news
I have to admit I was drawn in to the royal-watching rumor mill on social media lately. I was intrigued by the secrecy; amused by the wild conjectures. The rumors about Kate Middleton and William have mostly been put to rest since her recorded video announcing her cancer diagnosis. I wonder if we were so captivated by this story because it distracted us from the genocide happening in Gaza, war in Ukraine and Sudan, and the continuing violence in Haiti layered with our local stories of loss and hardship? Our minds and bodies cannot continue consuming stories of trauma indefinitely. We need a diversion and maybe this sad and very personal story provided that for us. We have the capacity to think in terms of the one suffering but rarely the many. The public’s response to Kate’s message and the outpouring of sympathy gave me a measure of hope for our humanity – it is still intact; we are still moved by individual sorrow and suffering.
Midlife thoughts
I am not showing it, despite all the fun springy fashions that demand we bare it. This midlife midriff is going to stay tucked in and hidden. Anyone else?
While I wholeheartedly agree that we need to accept and love our bodies and appreciate them for all they have carried us through, there is no need to put them on display!
One of my favorite things to wear lately is a loose-fitting button-up shirt. They nicely hide any bulges and come across as classic and pulled together. My favorite is oversized with a bold floral pattern. These shirts work well for layering with a cardigan which is perfect for the in-between season we are currently in. Is it spring or is it still winter?
In the midst of self-compassion and acceptance for my body as it is, I also want to nurture it. I want to eat food that will nourish; I want to remain active to keep my body strong. I want to honor by body’s need for rest. It is one of the many areas of life in which we hold in balance both the beauty and difficulty of what is.
It seems I am not the only one considering our body and our feelings toward her. These words from Dr. Hilary McBride resonated recently,
We have been taught to call a (peri)menopausal body an unruly body, a body that betrays, when really, she is a resister, a disrupter, a prophet, Nature’s defiance of the cultural myths that keep our fullness and wildness constrained.
This newsletter by Enuma Okoro is always beautifully written but I felt seen in this one in particular as she describes the experience of our bodies in the wilderness.
Whether you are at the beginning or nearing the end of your midlife season, I wrote this prayer for you - and for me.
Prayer for our Midlife body
O God,
You know the changes happening within and without,
The fires that burn at night,
The skin that begins to look like scales.
You know the marshmallow around my middle,
And how easy it is to shame this softness.
You are aware too of the new invisibility I feel.
The ways it seems my life matters less now
than when I was young and busily involved in raising children.
You know the inner question of what am I to do now?
Is there a role for me, in this new and foreign body?
Will my contributions be needed or wanted?
Teach me to learn to love this midlife body,
And appreciate the sacrifices she made to nourish others.
May I accept the changes that come
With equanimity and welcome.
And when faced with new limitations
May I follow the pace of this wiser and softer body.
Amen.
An Easter Blessing
If the land before you is barren, devoid of any signs of life,
If darkness and loss seem to be winning, may you still sense a stirring of hope.
May you open to the possibility of steams appearing in the desert,
Of tiny green shoots emerging from the barren fields, and life overcoming darkness and death.
May the empty tomb be the sign of a new beginning and the promise of coming flourishing.
Wishing you a blessed Easter weekend.
Thank you for being here. I’d love to know what resonates with you. As always, feel free to respond and/or share with someone you think might appreciate reading.
so so beautiful and encouraging! thank you so much!
Many well-crafted and insightful layers of 'presence' here. Thank you, Sue.