Here in Alberta, last week I watched the magpies gather twigs for their nests, walked the bare fields and listened to the melting snow drip from the eaves and trickle down the gutters. Spring was in the air. This week is another story! Just as February prepares to say farewell, she releases one last storm. All night long the snow fell and was tossed about by the wind. We woke up to a fairyland of white sculpted drifts and snow clinging to everything.
The past few years have been dry here in my part of the world, not enough snow or rain created perfect conditions for raging forest fires in the summer months. (I recognize there are many places around the globe that face this same scenario). Even in February, the fires have already started. So, I am grateful for this latest dump of snow and secretly hope for more! Even though the hope of spring arriving soon has been pushed back, I am so very thankful.
I bought some seeds a couple of weeks ago, zinnia seeds. The past two years I have started them indoors in tiny pots and then transplant them outdoors when the weather is conducive to life! The tending of the seeds and tiny seedlings gives me joy in the moment and also helps me look forward to spring, signs of new life, and hope. I look forward to spring when we see visual reminders of resurrection in the natural world. The seasons, and watching for this one in particular, remind me that what appears lifeless can once again flourish, and that seasons of dormancy and rest are necessary for growth, and there is indeed a time for everything.
I wonder if you have something you do to keep the hope alive in your soul as you long for a new season, as you long for growth, or prayers to be answered. What turns your heart toward hope?
YOU ARE NEEDED
As I watch my daughters, who fall into the Millennial age group, and their peers, I see how they are struggling. They are at the beginning stages of careers, having life partners, and planning for the future. They have not many years of building a sort of faith in the long game, in the goodness of the world, or the ebb and flow nature of things. As our worldwide plague hit the subsequent fallout, it has shaken any security or safety they thought they had in this world.
I think this is a place for us, who are further along in life, to share our stories. We listen first, empathize, and try to imagine ourselves in their shoes. We mourn with them all that has been lost. And then we can offer them a longer perspective.
We have stories to tell of how we made it through. Stories of how we experienced the presence of God in our darkest moments. Tales of how we have seen wrongs righted, light breaking through the darkness, and hope returning after times of despair.
When anxiety is raging and hopelessness over the state of the world, we can offer the reminder of how seasons predictably come and go, the tides faithfully follow their rhythms – there is order to this world and all is not lost. The universe and all who dwell in it are held.
We can tell how walking and witnessing the nest-building of the magpies and the emergence of the pussy willows settles us into the ancient rhythms of the earth – those rhythms that have been and will continue to be long after we ourselves are planted in the earth.
I wonder if there is someone who needs your words of encouragement as they navigate life as a young adult.
Arthur Brooks in his book From Strength to Strength says, “Devote the back half of your life to serving others with your wisdom. Get old sharing the things you believe are most important. Excellence is always its own reward, and this is how you can be most excellent as you age”.
I wonder too if one of the most important lessons we can offer is to normalize changing our minds. It takes courage and a certain amount of humility to admit we have been wrong. Our world needs people who listen intently to the needs around us, are informed by compassion and love, and willingly let go of our entrenched ways of thinking. This might be the best gift to offer the next generation.
MIDLIFE AND GRIEF
For much of my life, I thought grief seemed to only circle around me, never getting too close. Part of the reason for this is that I failed to identify and name my grief. I did not have language for it. To me it seemed grief had to be large and earth-shattering to count. My little losses never seemed enough to name. In hindsight, I see how these were real things to mourn. Now somewhere in the later middle of life, grief feels more like a constant companion. No more circling,
Helen Macdonald in her book H is for Hawk, describes her experience with grief this way,
“There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realize that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are not longer. And you realize, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps, though you can put your hand out to where things were and feel that tense, shining dullness of the space where the memories are.”
The losses add up as we age and to grieve becomes woven into our lives alongside the joys, and new discoveries. To show up in the world as fully alive humans depends on the integration of our losses into our lives.
These days I grieve the oppression of people across the globe, the massacre of innocents, the cancer that threatens one I love, the dementia that is stealing another. I grieve the ways we as a society dehumanize those we don’t understand. It feels heavy to name these things but also important. They inform our prayers and our capacity for compassion, and keep us tuned into all that is going on in our nervous system - which if you are like me, I like to avoid.
I am so thankful for wise guides in this. Rachel Marie Kang has a beautiful new book out The Matter of Little Losses: Finding Grace to Grieve the Big (and Small) Things which I cannot wait to dig into. Also, my friend Sally Wessely who writes on Substack here, is a kind, compassionate witness to grief in all of its forms.
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
I had the most wonderful conversation with my co-author
and Kate Rademacher from Writing for Your Life on Valentine’s Day. We wanted to offer some love and encouragement to our fellow writers, which was also the impetus behind writing our book, A Writer’s Refuge: Prayers, Blessings, and Encouragement for the Writer’s Soul. Kate is a skilled interviewer and we got into some of the underlying barriers we writers often face. There is a YouTube recording available, which you can find here. During our conversation, I experienced a place of comradery and encouragement, free from the competitions and jealousies we often find. I hope it will bless you also.This is going to be an amazing book year. I have a number of friends whose books are releasing in the next few months. Be sure to put these on your radar to pre-order if that is available to you, or reserve from your local library.
Ellyce Fulmore (my youngest daughter) – Keeping Finance Personal: Ditch the Shoulds and the Shame and Rewrite Your Money Story. This book is written for the ones that the traditional finance books don’t reach. It offers a shame-free and trauma aware approach to money. It explores the complex, nuanced, and deeply personal relationship between your identity and your money. It is perfect for your newly launched young adult kids or nieces and nephews. I am super proud of this girl and not at all offended by some of our intimate family stories she shares!
Released January 23, 2024
Emily P. Freeman - How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away. This is a woman I admire and turn to when needing to make decisions. Emily is a kind and wise guide. She consistently offers great questions to help one discern their next right thing or in the case of this particular book, when to stay and when to go.
Releasing March 12, 2024
Summer Joy Gross – The Emmanuel Promise: Discovering the Security of a Life Held by God
This woman has been a gift to me over the past few years. Her pursuit of the presence of God and leading others to find healing and hope in his presence is remarkable. I am currently reading an early version of the book and it is beautifully written, hopeful, and practical. I am discovering ways that my learned attachment style affects my relationship with God. It is a deep book, but also super accessible because of the way Summer writes and shares real-life experiences.
Releasing April 30, 2024
Jodi Grubbs - Live Slowly: A Gentle Invitation to Exhale
Jodi is a dear writing friend and is passionate about connecting with others. Through her story, with all its twists and turns, she will show us there is another way to live other than frantic and hurried. She gives us permission to slow down – I think we all need that, don’t you?
Releasing April 30, 2024
In case you are feeling low, unseen, alone, or unappreciated, I hope these words remind you of who you are and how you are treasured:
You are, “God’s beloved;
God’s permanent residence.
Encircled by God all day long,
Within whom God is at home.”
(Deut. 33:12 MSG)
Let’s enter March with the assurance that the God of the universe loves to be with us and will walk forward into the rest of this year alongside us. We are not alone.
Thanks be to God and thanks for being here.
“There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realize that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are not longer. And you realize, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps, though you can put your hand out to where things were and feel that tense, shining dullness of the space where the memories are.”
This quote, as well as your commentary on it, put words to my feelings . As I get older, my life is just filling( or is it unfilling) with holes. Thank you for helping me to put words to my emotions.
Thankful for your words - such very timely reminders, Sue!